He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
