So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
