Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
