drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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