sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got inside last night via doggy door
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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