It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
