I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm really busy with my period
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