i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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