She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
