Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Bring me that man meat
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize