All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
