I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
