You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are two peas in an std pod
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
