ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
