you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
