Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize