Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
