Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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