Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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