just tell him i said nine months
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
