i don't like sucking hair
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
