I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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