My nipple is on Facebook.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize