you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
