Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
