He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
