This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
