Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
