Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
is it fun? or sober?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
