is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
