Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
