We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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