I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
