with your own penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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