I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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