I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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