i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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