Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
