Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
