I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
