my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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