If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
