I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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