Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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