i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
