He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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