I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
