super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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