you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i believe in u and ur pee
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