Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
