YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
