they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I forget how to act sober
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