the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
