i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
