First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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