we have officially lost it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
