dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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