Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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