just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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