True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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