Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
