tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
