hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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