Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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