He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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