I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
