Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
