I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
