The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
