we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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