his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
