Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
