lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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