I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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