u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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