It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
