I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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