did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
