I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
